As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
