i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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