I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
