so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
