i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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