making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
