Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
