So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
