somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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