If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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