there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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