my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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