happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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