I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
