the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
