if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
