I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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