I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize