Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
