sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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