You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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