So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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