Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
