i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
