I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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