his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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