I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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