I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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