Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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