he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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