dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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