you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
