this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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