so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
