Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
