So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize