I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
