I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
