Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is classic penis vs brain.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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