I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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