you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
