I'm drive I can fine osifer
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
