Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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