My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
