I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
