He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
