I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
