i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
