I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am one with the molecules
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
