fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize