And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
