Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
