yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He? As in you personified your dick?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
