There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
