She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
