Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
