I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
