I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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