sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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