Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
