is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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