Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You made out with two different species that night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize