i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
