and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
