does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
